Bargain?

I was in Costco today, and I saw a two-pack of Solar Flashlights for sale. This intrigued me. I thought about buying them just in case.......... but because of the economy and needing to watch your spending, you just can't throw money around anymore. You have to ask yourself, "Do I really need this?"

So, I says to myself, "Self, Does you really need that?" And I thought about it. Really thought about it.

Let's see now....... I go home with the flashlights. I'm in the house. The power goes out. I'm standing there in the dark. I'm saved! I have these new solar flashlights with me! YAY!

I turn them on..... nothing....... *shake shake* still nothing.

Oh wait. They're SOLAR flashlights. D'OH! They need light to work. X[





(To be fair, I know that the solar part probably charges the batteries in the flashlight. But then, that wouldn't be humorous, would it? What? This isn't humorous?)

OMG!

There was a Blogger Prom!

I wasn't invited!

I didn't get chosen King of the Prom!

WOO HOO!

There's hope for me yet!

Lay Offs

I have six employees. Two have been with me for over 15 years. The other four are a family, a Mother and her three children. Unfortunately, I need to lay off the at least two of them. I can't force the retirement of my two Senior employees, so at least two of the three with the lowest seniority must go.

Each employee can perform many duties. Their main job is to keep your lap warm, though the younger employees have a tough time sitting still. Other duties are to help keep your fingers in shape by allowing you to scratch their heads, necks, backs, and bellies. Purring depends upon the amount of scratching you do. They can also perform pest control duties.

All will have had their shots by the end of July and have so far passed the Feline Leukemia test. They are to be spayed sometime by the end of July, beginning of August.

If you know of anyone who would like to hire any of these employees, please contact me. Friends or friends of friends only.

Are you sure you don't want one?

So True.....

Lines from songs that ring true. Most are from my favorite artists. Others, songs I've heard. As I remember more, I will add more. Of course, you can add your own lines via comments.



1. I'm so much cooler online.

2. God is Great, Beer is good, and People are crazy. (Even though I don't drink.)

3. You were born with nothing, and better off that way. Soon as you got something they send someone to try and take it away.

4. Poor man wanna be rich, Rich man wanna be King, and a King ain't satisfied till he rules everything.

5. You better let somebody love you, before it's too late.

6. It's Five 'o clock somewhere.

7. I ain't as good as I once was, but I'm as good once, as I ever was.

Dang, is that all I can remember today?

The Final Frontier

If you didn't know, a plaza in the Little Tokyo section of Los Angeles was purchased by some Korean investors. There was some controversy to this because it seemed at the time that the Korean investors would try to change the make-up of the plaza from Japanese-themed to Korean themed. You see, there is a section in Los Angeles that is Korea Town, and the two are not close, and in fact miles apart.

On one hand, by diluting Little Tokyo with non-Japanese themed businesses, you will eventually lose a Historic and Cultural part of the Japanese Community that once thrived there.

On the other hand, it is purely a business move. Anyone, no matter what race, should be able to buy property and try to make money.

Lost in this is how the Vietnamese are opening businesses in Los Angeles Chinatown. Unless I'm mistaken, I don't think there was a backlash or any mention of that.

I guess it is a little different. As the Chinese Community grew outward, "New" and "Newer" China Towns sprout up in Monterey Park, then the rest of the San Gabriel Valley, and now the Rowland Heights area.

The Japanese also moved outward, and although there may be sections of Japanese themed businesses in a particular area, none are called Little Tokyo or Japanese Town.

Incidentally, Vietnamese Towns are somewhere around Westminster and Garden Grove in Orange County, to the best of my knowledge. Thai Town is in the area just East of Hollywood. I don't know if there is anywhere that is considered Filipino Town, but I do know where Historic Filipino Town is.

How do these Towns start up? Most of the time, Immigrants from these respective Countries do not speak English and/or feel intimidated by their new land. So, to be able to communicate and feel more at home, they lived close to each other. Then they open businesses to appeal to their Customs and Cultures within these same Communities, therefore starting these separate "Towns."

So, the Koreans are taking over Japanese Town, or Little Tokyo. I can't really complain, I just hope that the "Core" part remains, so that there will always be a LIttle Tokyo and not one day, a "Historic" Little Tokyo.

HOWEVER. WTF! I apologize in advance to my Korean friends, and in fact any Korean. I am not a Racist or a Bigot. BUT, damn! Why, Why, WHY!

Part of what made the TV Series Star Trek great, was that Gene Roddenberry used actors of "Color" for the crew of the Enterprise, a Spaceship of the future. He didn't do what most of Hollywood did back then, which was hire all "white" people and if a part was "Asian," tape their eyes back.

Most people were chosen because they "fit" the part. Checkov was Russian, and so was the actor who played him. Scotty was Scottish, but played by someone of Irish ancestry, born in Canada. Dr McCoy was a real Doctor. Okay, you got me there.

About the hardest thing that Gene Roddenberry did, was fill the part for Spock. Do you know how hard it was to find a Vulcan?

Anyway, getting back to my point, Sulu was Japanese. In the New Star Trek movie, Sulu is still Sulu, but played by a Korean actor named John Cho. Mr Cho, why did you do it? There has to be a line drawn SOMEWHERE!!!! Sulu is Japanese, you didn't HAVE to take the part. Come on, it may be all we have left, and you took it from us. How can there ever be peace amongst the Asians if stuff like this happens? *pouts*

Well, one consolation, Sulu is still the Pilot, at least they kept an Asian driver to drive the Enterprise. *sigh*

SpeedShanked Redemption

I hadn't been to Las Vegas in YEARS. I was never much into gambling, and I don't drink. I only went with friends, and to eat my ass off at Buffets. I guess I ate my ass ON at Buffets. Anyway, last February, I finally went with my good Las Vegas loving friend. I was disappointed. I now know that I don't care much for gambling anymore. But I did play the Mega-Bucks, most of the time. It was the highest Jackpot it had ever been, at more than 34 Million dollars. Needless to say, I didn't win a Mega-anything. And though I did have some good Buffets, I can't eat as much as I used to, so I didn't get more than my moneys worth, which is the rule. Right?

With little to do, I decided to go see some sights. Lake Mead was only 30 minutes away, so I went.

BIG MISTAKE #1.

I got a speeding ticket in Boulder City, going back to Las Vegas. Now, now, don't Judge. After making the turn onto Highway 93/95 from Lake Mead Parkway, there were no Speed Limit signs. BUT, there were 2 separate "Slower Traffic Keep To The Right" signs. These signs are placed only for Large Trucks and Vehicles towing trailers, because they are limited to 55 MPH. That suggests that the posted speed limit is more than 55 MPH. And why not? A Highway in Nevada? 65 seems to be the minimum everywhere you look.

But, in the portion that cuts through Boulder City, it is 45 MPH. When you go to Boulder City via Highway 93/95 FROM Las Vegas, there are speed limit signs AND signs that state "Reduced Speed Ahead" just before you get to the Boulder City City limits. But no such signs exist from the opposite side, coming from Lake Mead/Hoover Dam area into Boulder City. There was only ONE 45 MPH speed limit sign about a half mile past the Boulder City border sign.

So, as soon as I saw that sign, I started slowing down. Too late, since I was well into the Boulder City limits, the BC Police Officer had Radar-ed me at 65 and then wrote me up for 50 MPH, probably the speed I was when he caught up to me, after I saw the 45 MPH sign.

I had told the Officer that I did not see any Speed Limit signs, and he told me that there were at least 3 of them. I didn't argue with him. The Officer was just doing his job, and he was very Professional about it. After giving me my ticket, I went back and retraced my route. I was correct, there were NO speed Limit signs, at least not 3 that the Officer mentioned. I took out my trusty Flip Video and recorded the whole scene, from Lake Mead Parkway, to where I was pulled over.

The reason that there were no signs, was because they were doing road work on the shoulder. I don't know the area before, so I am assuming that the Officer was telling the truth and there was at one time, Speed Limit signs. The important part was, they were not there at the time I was ticketed. I thought I had reasonable proof that although I was speeding, the lack of proper signage would vindicate my actions.

So, I decided to fight the ticket. Why not, I have nothing to lose, and the Officer may not show up and I'd win.

BIG MISTAKE #2 (Condensed Version)

They have a different Court procedure for traffic tickets in Boulder City. First you have a hearing. That's what I was appearing for, I thought it was Court. After going through all the DUI's and other citations, they got to me. They asked me how I would plea and I said "Not Guilty." So they asked me what day I would like to return. What? The Officer didn't show up, and all I was there for was to make a plea? Okay, I made a date. They gave me some paperwork, which I didn't read until today, and found out my Court date was actually a Pre-Trial hearing. This is where a Boulder City Representative and I meet, and negotiate plea deal. If a deal can not be made to settle the matter, THEN an actual Court date is scheduled.

So, I meet the City representative, a Mr Booker. He shakes my hand, smiles, and starts looking over the paper work. He tells me that it isn't so bad and he can reduce the ticket to something without any Points on my record, and I pay close to $200. I said, "That's fine. But I also want to discuss that fact that there were no Speed Limit signs. He tells me there are signs, and in fact, he drives that way to and from work every day, so he knows there are signs there. (Unless he lives in the Lake Mead recreational area, Hoover Dam, or the Hotel Casino near Hoover Dam, he doesn't drive this Highway everyday.) I tell him that I had just drove that same stretch, and the only signs up now, were temporary 35 MPH signs, leaning on Orange Traffic cones. He looks at me like I'm nuts. I tell him I have Video. He said, "I don't have to look at your Video, I know there are signs there." I say, "You won't look at my Video, even though I have proof there were no signs there?" He relents, and then tells me, "For a Firefighter, you sure are a pain in the ass."

I show him the Video, we discuss how and if 65 MPH is safe to drive on that street. He glances at my video every now and then, no signs showing up, and before it's even a quarter done, he says he doesn't have to look at it anymore, and that traveling at 65 MPH in that area is extremely dangerous and that I would "fall off the edge." I say, "Fall off the edge? What edge?" Then he throws a hissy-fit and says, "You want a Court date? You want a Judge to decide this? I'll get you a Court date, let's see what we have available."

Big Mistake #3

Probably, but who cares now. It's obvious to me by the un-professional manner that the City representative had, that I was going to get bent over no matter what. The ticket given to me wasn't really for speeding. It was because I was from out of State, and most of us would just pay the fine and go to Traffic School. Boulder City just wanted $187 extra dollars in their coffers.

Unfortunately for them, I can't go to traffic School because I have a Commercial license, all Firefighters in LA do. We have stricter limitations, even with Blood Alcohol limits. And I have the time to fight the ticket.

So here I am. Now my goal is to make Boulder City Nevada work for it's money. Someone will have to get off their ass and go to Court to go against me. Will I win? I doubt it. Boulder City is small. I bet that everyone knows everyone and their spouses, children, and pets too.

I would like some suggestions from you out there. Maybe you may know better than me.

Can I/Should I;

Ask for a Jury Trial?

Ask for the Traffic Speed Surveys for the Highway?

Ask for Statistics on Accidents there? The number of Citations given? How many are given to people from Out-of-State?

Anything else? You have until August 20 to let me know. That's my, hopefully, final Court appearance.

I'm not going to win. But Boulder City is gonna spend more money for this ticket than they are going to get from me. heh heh heh

The way things are going, I'll probably end up in Jail after my Court date. Probably for murder, or child molestation. In Jail, I'll probably waste away. Would some of you come to visit me? If you do, don't speed in Boulder City.

Dork Alert

I don't know why, but every time I see cows, I have the urge to go "mmmooooooooooo." This does not happen with horses, sheep, goats, pigs or any other animals. Only cows. Of course, those animals don't go "mmmooooooo," but you know what I mean. I don't say "oink oink" when I see a pig. I only try to imitate a cow.

Stop moooking fun of me!

"It's Time For Dodger Baseball"

These are the words uttered by the GREAT Vin Scully before each Dodger game that he announces.

Today was Opening Day for Baseball in Los Angeles. And due to great scheduling by MLB, the Dodgers were playing their Northern California rivals, the HATED SF Giants. I'm not even going to respect them enough to spell out the full name of the City.

My actual first Baseball game was with my Little League team, the Angels, to see the California Angels play. Now that I look back, my Coach was very good to take all of us 8 year olds to a Baseball game. Today it would have cost him his Mortgage payment, but back then, probably less than $50.

But, I grew up in Echo Park, which is within a long walking distance to Dodger Stadium. How could I NOT root for the Dodgers. Oh, yeah, I know about that other Blog Post I wrote, but that was highlighting Dodger Stadium Security, not the Baseball team.

Through those early years, the Dodgers seemed to always be in the playoffs, but never went the distance, always losing before getting a chance to play in the World Series. What a letdown every year. After the infamous "Ticket finding fiasco" I was no longer a Dodger Fanatic, but I was still a Dodger Fan.

I remember how the fan base changed with different players becoming Stars. With Fernando Valenzuela, more people of Mexican decent became Dodger fans. I was working at a Union 76 gas station during that time. Union 76 was a sponsor of the Dodgers, so we always had Dodger schedules and gave away some souvenirs. More and more Spanish speaking persons came in and asked for "Dyers" or Doughyers" schedules.

Then with Hideo Nomo, more Japanese fans. Chan Ho Park, more Korean fans.

Opening games are hard to go to. They are scheduled as a Day game, during the week. So unless you take the day off from work, you can't go. Lucky for me, I don't have a regular 9-5, M-F job. Lucky for my other non-conformist friends, I had 3 more tickets.

One was a long time friend and neighbor, David. David and I go way back to 7th Grade. We've gone to many Baseball games together, and one time, we took his Father. I wish he was alive today, I would have wanted him to go. David brought a friend. I took my other friend that I won't mention by name, because I will embarrass her. So, to identify her in this story, I will call her "La Cucaracha-elle."

Now, though it's a little un-PC, I hope I don't offend any of my Messican friends. Since I grew up in Echo Park, which was mostly Hispanic, I think I can say these things without being called any names.

La Cucaracha-elle picked me up in her new car. As we drove to the Stadium using my short cut, I knew right away that going there an hour early, even though the Stadium is 5 minutes away, was a good idea. The short cut was jammed with traffic. And just outside the Stadium, there were a lot of people tailgating in Elysian Park.

The Game was Sold Out, the roads were packed, the parking lots were full, and the lines getting into the Stadium and to the Consession stands were long. We got there just in time for the Dodgers to announce the players, and sat in our seats when her favorite player, Russell Martin was called.

Just like in High School, she likes him because "he's soooooo cuuuuuute." Oh brother!

Since it was a Day game, it was HOT! The people outside already had a head start and running the bases to drunkenness, and now inside, they were heading to home plate! Needless to say, it was a little rowdy, especially if you were wearing any other team's "Colors."

There were a few fights, but nothing really bad. The one I will talk about happened just after Russell Martin first time up to bat. Russell Martin flied out. The woman behind me and La Cucaracha-elle said, "That's okay Russell, I still LOVE YOU, you're still MY MAN!" Oh-oh, trouble!

La Cucaracha-elle - "He's NOT your man, he's MINE!"

Other Messican Woman - "Who ju tocking to, Huera?"

La Cucaracha-elle - "Ju, Sancha!"

Other Messican Woman - "Who ju callin' Sancha, ju pinche Huera!"

Now, I'm a smart man. I don't ever try to stop a Messican girl fight over a man. But I AM a smart man, and I know what to do. You need to know two things to keep an advantage. First, getting between two Messican girls about to fight means you can get some "Accidental" Boobie Grabbage. Second, you have to know what to say or do to distract them. I shouted, "Look! Andre Ethier is up!"

They turned their attention, and leering eyes back to the game and the fight was over before it even started. Whew! Remind me not to take La Cucaracha-elle to another Day game....


Highlights of the Game:

To start the game, the Dodgers asked the crowd to observe a moment of silence for Angels pitcher Nick Adenhart and his two friends, who were killed in a car crash, and for Philadelphia Phillies announcer Harry Kalas, who died Monday at the age of 73.

Vin Scully was honored for 60 years of announcing, and he threw out the First Pitch.

Charise, a 16 year old Filipina girl made famous by Oprah, sang the Star Spangled Banner.

Various Armed Forces Personnel unrolled a GIGANTIC Flag of the United States that covered most of the outfield.

A B-2 Stealth Bomber flew overhead before the game.

N'Kenge sang God Bless America before the 7th Inning Stretch.

The game had 3 home runs, two by Andre Ethier, and one by Orlando Hudson, who also hit for the cycle for the first time since Wes Parker did it on May 7, 1970. It was the first time anyone has done it inside Dodger Stadium.

All in all, a great game and a good time was had by all. Who won the game? The Dodgers! The score? How would I know? Let me look it up.......


11-1 Dodgers beat the Giants!

Perspectives

I've been preoccupied lately, and really don't feel like writing anything. I know some of your favorite blogs of mine are the humorous ones. The "Political" ones are boring, or may even be against how you feel, but you're too polite to call me on them. The rest are all nonsense.

Some things have been popping up lately, that I can only describe as a difference in perspectives. Things that seem okay to one person, but not okay to another.

The other day, they were interviewing people who got a chance to go and see the President. One teenager said, "I've been waiting all my life for a President I can believe in." I could only think of the pains that she has gone through "all her life."

I overheard a guy talking about buying his home and being qualified for a First-time Home Buyers credit. I believe it was $8,000. But his Mortgage Broker was mistaken, and he was not qualified for it because he made more than the minimum of $75,000 per year. Then he quipped, "There goes the lift kit I was going to put on my truck." Gee, people being laid-off work, homes being foreclosed on, families living in cheap motels or their cars, and people not sure about their own future, and you're complaining about not being able to lift your truck in Los Angeles, the Moab of California. This also makes me think of Politicians who want to spend too much and cut too much, and see nothing wrong with their own Great pay, free health insurance, and pension plan.

In another sense, I once told someone that if you read the Bible, you must try to have the perspective of someone from 2,000 years ago. It would be very difficult to do so, because who would know how a person from 2,000 years ago thinks? This was in reference to a certain Religious group not allowing blood transfusions because of what is written in the Bible. Since I don't believe people did blood transfusions back then, I seriously doubt that anyone would have a perspective on it, and could not even fathom being for or against it.

In a much larger sense, I remembered how my own Mother reacted to the attacks on the World Trade Center. I turned the channel on her TV set and said "Look at what's happening!" She was not as shocked as I was, and having almost no reaction. Then I thought about it. My Mother was born in Hiroshima, Japan. During the War, her Father moved their family to the countryside. My Mother was witness to the aftermath of an Nuclear Bomb wiping out a whole City. I bet nothing compares to that.

When you look at things from only one perspective, you blind yourself and become judgmental, and may even come to the wrong conclusion at times. What do they say about walking in another man's shoes?

Having a Clean Colon

Disclaimer: The story you are about to read is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Parental discretion is advised. Yeah, this is where I talk shit, be forewarned. Don't read it and complain to me later.... BTW, if I use "I," "Me," or "My," in this story, I really mean "My friend."

You've heard the commercials on the radio or TV. You've heard the hype. You even admit that it all makes sense. After all, food is processed in your colon, and anything that prevents, aggravates, or delays that process, can affect you in many ways. Everyone should clean their colons!

So here's the premise. Some people have died, and during an autopsy, undigested foods of upwards of 40 pounds were found inside their colon. Heck, I heard that a loooooooong time ago when John Wayne died. It was rumored that he had over 40 pounds of undigested meat still in his colon. Wow! That could feed me for 2 months.

They say that food can also harden like plaque on artery walls and cause problems too. The food you eat is digested and broken down in your stomach, then sent through your colon, where all of the nutrients are absorbed by the body. If there's "plaque" on the walls of your colon, the nutrients will not be absorbed. And it will will not be turned into "waste" properly.

They say how your "waste" comes out of you is also telling of how well your colon is working. To put it simply, in "Caddyshack" terms, you should have Snickers bars, not M&M's with peanuts, or chocolate milk coming out of you.

I'll buy that. It makes sense.

There's even have a website where a particular product has pictures of "What the hell is that, and how did it come out of my butt!" testimonials. Yes, things that look like the seaweed you find floating at the ocean by the beach, all lined up and looking like, "Hey, you don't want THIS inside you, do you?"

All of these manufacturers, promise you many things if you use their product. "Get a flatter stomach." "Lose weight." "Have more energy." "Feel less bloated." "Be healthier."

Well DAMN! Those are all the things "I" NEED! So my first thought was, what kind of brush do you use? Oh, um, er, .................... pills or a powder? That's MUCH better. But now what? There are so many products............. which one is the best? The ones where you fast too? Oh, HELL NO! I ain't gonna fast! Do I look like Ghandi to you?

I chose "Bowtrol." Why? It's free. Well, for $6.95 for shipping charges, and you're put on an automatic delivery system that if you don't cancel in time, you will be charged for your next bottle automatically. Damn, not only am I all of those things, I'm cheap too. My colon seems to be controlling my wallet.

For $6.95, you get one bottle of Bowtrol Colon Cleaner, which is full of natural herbs and who knows what else, that helps you get rid of anything in your colon that shouldn't be there, even parasites. What kind of parasites? Tapeworms, I guess. Three pills are recommended to be taken before you go to bed for no more than 14 days. Then you wait 14 days and do another 14 days. Easy enough. And you get 100 pills, so you can do those 4 weeks total. I believe it recommends that you do this on again off again treatment for as long as you live. I don't think I'll do that.

You also get one bottle of Bowtrol Probiotics. Probiotics are these biotics that are good for you. Yeah, see how smart that sounded? Well, it's basically stuff that lives in your colon that helps you absorb all of the nutrients. These biotics can be killed by Anti-biotics that you take to fight infections when you are sick. All of that penecyllin you've taken has probably killed of all of your natural biotics. Don't worry too much, those "Active Yogurt Cultures" in Yogurt is the same thing. You only have to take one pill every morning on an empty stomach. Still easy.

Well, I will update this later when I'm completely finished with my "Cleanse." So check in one week from now to hear about how I feel after 14 days. So far, not much has changed. Wait a minute..............