How to Tell You're Getting OId............... er

There are many tell-tale signs that you are getting older. But one way is so universal, you may not have even noticed it.

It also involves the Universal language. What? No, not sex, and your inability to "do it" as you get older. Huh? Oh, NO, not me.........

It's music. Music can be placed in different categories. Rock, R&B, Hip Hop, Rap, Classical, Country........... But it has nothing to do with which type you listen to. No, that's not it. And some of today's music can be called a "phase," compared to some classic songs. I mean, there are some songs that can be played years later and it's still great. Some songs are just for today. But that's not it either.

Think about it, when you were young, the more bass your favorite music had, the better it was, and the louder you wanted that bass to be played. And the younger you are, the larger the Woofers have become. Yes, these speaker components that produce the bass sound have gotten bigger and bigger each year. Well, they may have stopped growing, but now you add more. I remember when 2 6 X 9 woofers were the big thing. Oh my, did I just date myself?

Today's music, played with these speakers with extra large multiple woofers, and Amplifiers to go with them, produce ear-drum shattering sound. You've heard it coming from cars, and/or parties, and everything seems to be shaking, as if there 's an earthquake. If you are young, you like this. If you are old, well...........

So I've come up with a chart to determine if you have become old:

Party with loud bass producing music:

Young = You are there, or want to be there.

Not so Young = You were not invited, but you don't care.

Old = It's keeping you awake, but eventually, you fall asleep.

Really Old = You call the Police on them. The earlier you call, the older you are.

Extremely Old = You can't hear them at all, or remember what is going on.



New Year's Eve parties are coming up. Where do you fit?

The 12 Days of Excess

On the 12 days of excess,
Eating desserts gave to me............

12 extra pounds,
11 more because I lied,
10 extra inches,
9 month pregnant looking,
8 years to lose it,
7 places to liposuction,
6 extra folds,
5 flabby rings,
4 tummies to tuck,
3 extra chins,
2 B-cup moobs,
And I've fallen and I can't get up.

Christmas Day 2008

Merry Christmas to my 2 readers. Hi Mom!

Watchin' Porn

We have been training Probationary Firefighters, "Boots," every year for as long as I can remember. Normally, there would only be one "Boot" per shift, and you'd get a one year break after one year of training these Rookies. But because of attrition, we have had 2 per shift, every year, for some time now. It has become a chore, teaching the same thing over and over, sometimes getting someone that "gets it," sometimes getting someone who you wonder, "How the hell did he get through the Drill Tower?"

Because of the amount of new trainees we have, I have been exposed to a lot of different people from different backgrounds. One of our latest was born and raised in Puerto Rico. He came here doing exhibitions on Roller Blades, eventually got married and somehow found a career in the Fire Service. Just as GWB has been fodder for Comedians, Mr Puerto Rico has given us much to remember.

Every Probationary Firefighter spends 4 months at 3 different Fire Stations during his 1 year Probationary period. At the end of each assignment, on your last shift, it is customary for all "Boots" to give a speech and Thank everyone. Mr PR Thanked everyone individually, even someone who he had never worked with before by saying, "I want to Thank FF 'Smith' for coming to work today....."

I didn't mention this before, but Mr PR has an accent. I said he was born in Puerto Rico, and though some do speak English there, he told us he learned English while here in the USA. So when it came to Thanking me, he said, "I want to thank Ninja for teaching me Watchin' Porn." A puzzled look came across everyone in the room. I was dumbfounded, and thought, "WTF!" Then came the questions, this one from the Captains, "Wait a minute, what did you just say?" I could see it now, fired for teaching the Rookie how to watch Porn at the Fire Station. There goes my stellar (HA!) career.

Captain: "Did you say "Watchin' Porn? Ninja taught you to watch Porn?"

Mr PR: "No, I said, Watchin' Porn."

Captain: "What do you mean?"

Mr PR" "You know, Watchin' Porn."

After hearing him say this one more time, we said, "OH! What's important."

Yes, that's it. I helped teach him what's important. Priorities. You have a hundred things to do, do what's important first, the rest can wait. That's what we deal with. Life or Death. The little things don't matter, it's what will kill you that does, or what will keep you alive. Same thing.

Whew! My career is saved. Time to watch Porn.............

Responsible Censorship

There are many things that can be found on the Internet. Everything on it can be classified as "Information." But sometimes, some information should be kept to oneself, and not published. Some would consider this "Censorship." I would call it, "Responsible Journalism." In this case, because it is more in line with "Safety," I feel everyone should have the following information, so that they will not be killed, maimed or injured in any other way.

How to make a Pipe Bomb.

First, handle ALL material cautiously. Although the pipe itself is not dangerous, unless you drop it on your foot while barefoot, other ingredients may be volatile. Using the recipe I have listed at the end of this, place all items on a clean table.

Do NOT pre-mix the chemicals prior to assembling the pipe. This will allow the individual material that is "safe" by itself, to become explosive. Let me take a picture to show you what it would look like pre-mixed. Wait, I need to use Flash. *BOOM*

Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving. It is a common practice to give "Thanks" on this day. Though many people are materialistic here in the USA, we usually give Thanks to things that are not materialistic. Unless you're being facetious, you usually don't give Thanks for having an iPhone.

People are Thankful for many things. Sometimes it depends on Current Events. Today in 2008, people may be Thankful that they have not been laid off, and still have a job. Others may be Thankful to still have their homes, and are not in foreclosure.

Most of the time, we are Thankful for Family, Friends, and being able to stuff ourselves with Turkey and all of the trimmings. And for Pie. Save me a slice of Pumpkin pie. Please?

You may get different responses if you live in another part of the world. Someone in a Third World Country, may be Thankful just for having a cup of rice to eat today.

In that sense, we are very spoiled. A Comedian once said, "When it comes to food, we are so spoiled in America, that some of us get allergic to it. You never hear someone starving in Somalia, say that they are Lactose Intolerant." And we have choices. In the same vein, you'd never hear a starving person say, "I'll pass on the Turkey, I'm a Vegetarian."

We are also spoiled just for having the Freedoms that we do. How many times has it been reported that someone from the USA has been arrested in another Country and jailed, for something that we do everyday? Get drunk in the Middle East? Jail! Oh boy, I have a lot of friends who should be Thankful they do not live in the Middle East, just for that reason.

It's great that we can be Thankful for what we have in our own lives. But why be Thankful for only one day? We spend more time complaining about something or someone. No matter what it is, there will always be something to complain about. Why not start being Thankful every day? Then you start appreciating things, rather than taking things for granted. Maybe then we will start being the solution to problems, and not be part of the problem.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTT!!!!

That's the sound you hear when you touch two wires together. The ones you're not supposed to touch together. The ones that you were supposed to go and shut the power off for. Sometimes you get a blinding light, and depending on the voltage and amps, anything from a slight tingling sensation, to a kick in the chest. YOW!

Yes, I know from experience. I've even had the tip of my screwdriver "melt" once. I probably should be dead by now, or at least have all of the hairs on my head sticking straight up. Wait-a-minute....... Have you seen me lately?

Anyway, ever since the Professor made Gilligan pedal the bamboo bicycle with wires connected to coconut shells filled with some kind of liquid, we have had Electricity. But it comes from other sources now. Most of it is generated from Coal-burning plants. Some from Hydro-electric generators built into Dams. Some from Windmills on wind farms. And some from Nuculer Power. Some places like Hawaii, have generators that run on Diesel fuel. Some small generators run on Gasoline, Diesel fuel, Natural Gas or Propane.

Anyway, Electricity, no matter how it is generated, is brought into the Los Angeles area from somewhere outside. Most of it is "transported" on lines that are stringed on Power poles that ruin the look of our Mountains and then our Neighborhoods, though some are placed underground in newer developments for a cleaner look.

But at any point along those lines, your Electricity can be interrupted. From the Pole, you don't have any. From the Grid, your neighborhood doesn't have any. From the Source, no one has any.

Electricity is a luxury, and you can live without it for the most part, unless you have a machine that keeps you alive. Mr. Obvious here. But other than lighting, how else does it affect you?

Here are things that you may not realize will NOT work without Electricity, some are obvious, some are not.

Obvious. Refrigerator, Stove, Microwave, Clock, Computer, TV, VCR, DVD, Radio.

Not so obvious. Cordless Phones, Traffic Signals, ATMs, Gas Pumps, Cash Registers, Elevators, Radio and TV Broadcasts. I think Cell Phone Cell sites have some kind of battery back-up power.

Some of these things may work if it is backed-up by a generator. But think about it. What would you do if these things did not work? Eventually, the food in your refrigerator will go bad. Buy more? How? You have no cash, and the ATM doesn't work. You say you have cash or will use your Debit/Credit card at the store? The registers don't work, and the Debit/Credit machine doesn't work either! You are SOL! And now you're stuck because you ran out of gas in your car.

I was vacationing in Maui, Hawaii, when an Earthquake hit off the coast of the Big Island. It triggered the safety systems of the Electrical grid on all of the Islands, though Kauai and Oahu was not as affected as Maui and the Big Island.

I was driving in my car to get breakfast, when the radio went dead. The radio worked, but there was nothing being transmitted to the radio. I had NO idea that there was an Earthquake, though I did see small rocks had fallen onto the roadway. I ran over one of those rocks on my way to Lahaina, and my tire went flat. I drove a few miles with the flat tire, and got to a gas station. I parked next to the air filling machine. It didn't work, so I changed the flat to the spare. BTW, that Shell Station owes me 50 cents. By then, I was getting radio transmissions from Oahu, and figured out what was going on.

Now I was really hungry. The place I was headed to was closed. Most restaurants would close, because in Hawaii, the stoves are Electric, there is no Natural gas there. So I drove to a Super Market. All the lights were out and none of the cash registers worked, so you couldn't buy anything. BUT, this store had a generator, and it was just 30 minutes before they had all of the systems up and running. Great! Now I could buy and have a sandwich and soda for breakfast. MMMMMMM

Luckily for me, it was my last day on Maui, time to go home. I took my car back to the rental agency, and they said they would bill me later. Fine. I get to the Airport, and nothing is working. No Air Traffic Control. It was hours before planes were allowed to land or take off. The Computer Registration/Booking system was also down. No one could get a boarding pass, to a flight that was not going to take off anyway.

Needless to say, those last few hours on Maui was heck. At least the power was restored to all of the Islands before I left. And I was patient. I knew there would be problems, even though I didn't foresee everything. But you should have seen other people. Yelling, screaming, demanding. What did they expect? For a Pilot to fly a plane without Air Traffic Control?

Maybe if the Professor was around, he could have rigged a bicycle to generate some Electricity to run the Island. You know, there's enough coconuts to do that in Hawaii.

Ninety-eight Percent

I learned from a "Star Trek" episode, where an Alien race turned most of the crew into hexagonal cubes to hijack the Enterprise, that we are made up of about 98% water. No. Although I may have been around to watch the original airing, I saw it on multiple repeats during syndication. But geez, that's not the point here!

Water is something we all take for granted, especially here in the Los Angeles area. Technically, we live in a dessert. But our forefathers made sure that we were able to live long and prosper by purchasing land North of us, so that water could be brought to us via the Aqueduct. This is the only time that our Politicians thought ahead concerning our future and infrastructure. Can you imagine what our Freeway and Mass-transit system would be like if they also had used the same foresight?

However they did not use the same foresight when it came to saving water. Some parts of Los Angeles used to flood, almost as bad as when Katrina hit New Orleans, and many lives and homes were lost. So the sewer system was designed to remove water, not to save it. Rain water gets diverted and goes straight to the ocean. We are always in a drought situation because we do not have enough catch basins, reservoirs and/or lakes where rain runoff could collect.

Anyway, you need water to survive, there's no doubt about that. You can go without food for several days, but without water, that time is lessened.

Threats to our water supply have been increasing for some time.

Just our constantly growing Communities are causing shortages and redirecting of resources. The farms want water, industries want water, the North, South, East and West want water, and there's NOT enough to go around. Really, there isn't. We are on an 8-year drought, and it's only now that our Politicians are telling us to conserve water. They should have done it years ago, but were hoping that it would rain. Look at lakes such as Big Bear and Arrowhead lakes. They are at their lowest level, and getting lower every year.

We contaminate our water system everyday with chemicals, by either putting it directly into the water, via the sewer system, or allowing it to seep in through the ground. And not just in Los Angeles, but throughout the World. Our Oceans have contaminants, and the Sea supplies a lot of our food.

Besides drinking and cooking, there are other uses for water. These uses are wasteful, when water is NOT readily available. In emergency situations, bathing and washing hands could be done with baby wipes. Toilet flushing as well. If the water supply is damaged, then the sewer system probably is too. Time to dig a hole in the ground. Can you think of other things?

Water is very important, it means 98% to you. Without it, you will not survive. Period.

F'en Magic

Flip a switch, turn a knob, open a faucet. That's all you need to do to turn on the electricity, gas or water. How spoiled we all are to have within reach, all of our Utilities at our fingertips.

But Gas, Water and Electricity are all imported into Southern California from other parts of the State and Country. What will you do when one, two or all of them doesn't work? The lights don't go on? No water from the tap? Can't cook or heat the house? No, I'm not talking about not paying the bills. What if there's another reason? Like a natural or Man-made disaster.

The recent fires in LA County threatened electrical lines leading into Los Angeles. What if they were damaged? How do you think we get our electricity? It comes from generators from far away, and come to us from those large transmission lines you see in the Mountain passes. It isn't generated from the DWP building in Downtown. If the lines go down or are damaged, you may be out of electricity until it is repaired.

Natural Gas, like water, is pumped to us through gas lines. Mostly from out of State. What if there is an interruption? A break in the line from the main or anywhere along the line up to your home?

And what about Water? Because of past flooding, Los Angeles designed their sewer system to eliminate water from the streets and flow into the ocean. Almost none of it is saved in reservoirs, catch basins, and/or lakes. And currently there's an 8 year drought. Yes, it's all water down the drain. So, we get it from Northern California and the Colorado River, and then it's pumped to us through the water mains all throughout the City. Water has other limitations. Because it is pumped through pipes to all of the houses in a community, there is only so much that can be delivered. Anything that causes the system to lose pressure will mean little or no water for you. A break in the system? A pump shuts down? No Electricity to make the pump work?

Think about these things. How will you make do without one, two, or all of these Utilities? From a few hours to several days. Prepare for this, and you will not suffer as much if something like an Earthquake happens.

More on each later....

Stubborn or Hard Headed?

I wear a helmet when I ride my motorcycle. Why? Because it's the law? No, I value my life, and believe I am much safer with it on, then off. But when I ride my bicycle, I don't wear a helmet. Why? Because I'm traveling at a slower speed, and well, I don't have to, according to the law.

I have been on many accidents involving bicycles, and though some bicyclists have been badly injured, I have not been aware of any who have died. They may have, but I am not aware of it.

One bicyclist wearing a helmet, took her eyes off where she was headed, and rear-ended a parked car. She flew off her bike, and went through the back window of the car. Picture a car with two legs sticking out of it's rear window, and you can figure out how much she was injured. Did you imagine a bloody mess? Well, she only had a few cuts and scratches. This is a good example of how a helmet protects you. Of course we took her to the hospital so she could be checked for internal injuries, but I believe she was okay.

I have also been on two skateboarders who fell and hit their heads. Neither were wearing a helmet. One was going too fast down a hill and hit his head on the street. The other got hit by a car when she crossed a busy intersection, and her head hit the car's windshield.

Both died. The first a few days after, the last on the way to the hospital. Both were over 20 and under 30 years old. Do I think they would have survived if they wore helmets? Yes, especially the first one.

Do I think you and I should wear a helmet whenever we do anything where it's possible to hit your head on a hard surface? (Like cycling, skateboarding, rollerblading, skating, skiing, snowboarding, etc.) Yes, we should.

Don't be stubborn, because no one is really hard headed.