Thursday, August 25, 2011

Women - A Foreign Language

Before you read this, you have to read this about how women say one thing, and mean another.

Though I'm not disagreeing with this article, I have never heard any woman say #7, or heard of any man who complained that she said it. I do agree that most women say one thing and mean another. I just don't agree on what men and women have been trying to accomplish, since these types of articles have been written.

Think about it. When you look at something, first you look back to when things were different. Then you think about when things started to change, and then that's when you put two and two together to get five.

In the old days, before there were articles like this, men were men and women were women. There was still miscommunication, but whenever there was a relationship, it was "till death do you part." Men and women stayed married and celebrated decades of marriage together.

But now, with these "guides" to how women think, men have tried to turn into Sherlock Holmes, deciphering what women are really trying to say. And what are the results? Divorces, people having trouble finding someone, the explosion of dating sites, and even stalking. Yes, there are more cases of stalking now because men are trying to decipher what you say.

Oh no, she couldn't have meant leave her alone, when she said, "Leave me alone." And she really didn't mean for me to stay the fuck away from her when she said, "STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!"

Women, hahaha, they're so funny that way.

Anyway, now that I just spent 6 months in jail for stalking, I've had a lot of time to think about this. Where did men go wrong? Well, the answer is simple. Men thought they were at fault, and tried to better themselves by trying to be a better listener, and therefore be a better partner to a woman. Men tried to be more sensitive. Tsk tsk, what a mistake.

In reality, women are at fault here. Women are the ones who say things that they don't really mean, not men. Yes it IS your fault. For men and women to start being better communicators with each other, WOMEN have to start saying what they mean.

When you go to McDonald's and want a Quarter Pounder with cheese, you don't ask for a Filet 'o Fish, and if you do and end up with a Filet 'o Fish, you better not complain. Now maybe you could get away with asking for a "Royale with cheese" instead of a Quarter Pounder with cheese, and still get a Quarter Pounder with cheese, but you can't ask for a Filet 'o Fish.

But there is more to this story than meets the eye. You see, if women say one thing and mean another, they they could also possibly interpret things in a way only they can understand.

For example, when men say "I'm hungry," men mean, "I'm hungry." It doesn't mean, "OMG! I'm stressed out from my job because that bitch that I work with is always trying to make me look bad, and always talking about me behind my back, and trying to get the promotion that I deserve, that BITCH!"

But, women aren't totally alone here. Sometimes there is a little more to what men say, but it's just not as bad as what you are thinking. So, here are a few things that men say, that mean a little more than what they are saying, but is still misinterpreted by women.

When men say, "Let's have lunch." Women, you should not think, "OMG! I know what he really wants. He's making reservations at a cheap Motel, there is NO WAY I'm having sex with him." What men really means is, "Let's have lunch, I'm hungry and don't like eating alone."

When men say, "Let's have dinner." Women, you should not think, "OMG! He wants to eventually marry me and is making reservations at a Hotel, there is NO WAY I'm having sex with him." What men really means is, "Let's have dinner, I'm hungry and don't like eating alone, and I'll pay."

When men say, "Let's have sex." Women, you should not think, "OMG! He's so funny! He sure is confident. Wow, that is so sexy. I want him. I really, really want him. Right now. In fact right here in front of everyone in this bar, because I've had a few too many and I'm horny and uninhibited. I can't help myself, I'm gonna leave with him right now and attack him in his car in the parking lot. Oh gosh, I am soooo hot right now..... What men really mean is, "I'm horny, I won't remember your name tomorrow, don't expect me to call you, ever."

Not so hard, is it?

Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Pina Colada Song

Isn't it funny how people get the wrong impressions from songs? Springsteen's "Born in the USA," was mistaken as a patriotic song. But it was more about what was wrong with the USA at the time, than how great a Country we were.

Just like most people think the Pina Colada song is romantic, yet, not really. Yeah, you all know that song..... "If you like Pina Coladas......."

Think about it for a minute. In real life, this is how the song would end.....

You? Why are you writing personal ads?!?!
Why are you ANSWERING personal ads?
You don't drink pina coladas! And you can't stand getting wet in the rain!
Well, I don't like yoga and YOU don't have half a brain!
Well you can't make love at midnight, you're always asleep by 10!
*SPLASH!* Here's your taste of champagne! Now go and escape!

Am I right?

Monday, August 8, 2011

Los Angeles Parking Violations, Parking Tickets

If you received a Parking Ticket in the City of Los Angeles, with only the envelope on your windshield, no ticket inside, then had to pay the fine and late fees, leave a comment.